Pairing: Angel/Spike
Summary: Angel lets his mind wander and rediscovers old passions.
Spoilers: None really. Takes place just after the events of "In the Dark" in Season 1 of Angel.
Warnings: Nothing that screams out.
Disclaimer: The guy we refer to as God, Joss Whedon, created them. We just took them out to play with.
Distribution: Loving Angel LJ Community - (http://www.livejournal.com/community/loving_angel_69) If you want it, just ask.
Author's Notes: Please be kind. This is our first story - so in a sense we broke our fic writing cherry with this one. Hope you all like it. We also want to thank Lori, our 'bookman' for taking the time to read over our story and offer suggestions and grammatical help.
Feedback: FieryDemise - kissket2000@yahoo.com and AngelSpike69 - marinersgal69@msn.com
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Cordy and Doyle peered into the office. Angel was still sitting in the same spot since Oz had left. Neither of them wanted to ask him all that had happened with Spike. Not even Cordy. They knew how private he could be, so they just closed the door and left him alone. At times Angel worked best that way. Angel heard them leave and let out a shaky breath. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get thoughts of chains and hot pokers out of his mind.
God, why can't I just let it go? Why can't I forget about it? Why does my mind keep returning to what happened in that warehouse a few days ago? It's like when a record skips and keeps replaying a small section of a song over and over again, I'm stuck on remembering Spike. It had been so long since anyone had taken the time to torture me. I was helpless, hanging there in chains, unable to retaliate; unable to do anything, but take each scorching thrust.not wanting to admit to myself that I was enjoying it. I had forgotten how much I liked it; how much I missed the arousing violence; how much it turned me on. I felt the pleasure of the heat sizzle against my skin; the weight of my body forcing my feet to drag the floor as I swung from the chains. Spike stood off to the side watching. Why wouldn't he do it himself? When he finally strutted toward Marcus, grabbing the heated poker, I nearly fainted at this unexpected change in plans. If Marcus hadn't been there, Spike would have surely made me come. Why am I remembering this? The thought of Spike and cum shouldn't turn me on after so long. Come on, Angel.it's Spike.soulless.hates me.I hate him. Then why is it that thinking about this gives me such a raging hard-on?
As if answering his thoughts, Angel's hand slides slowly down the front of his pants squeezing his suddenly surging erection. He lets his head fall back and his mouth slips open, tongue poking out just a little, wetting his lips. He unbuttons his slacks and slips a hand into his silk boxers. The material feels good against the tip of his cock so he rubs his finger in circular motions along the sensitive head.
I'm jerking off to images of Spike tying me up, torturing me, teasing me, and putting his poker in me. I roll my eyes at that last thought, that's more a Spikeism than something I would think. Instead I try directing my thoughts to something else; anything but Spike and how things used to be between us. Something other than those mesmerizing blue eyes. Anything but his flat, hard chest; those amazingly sharp cheekbones. No, not going there. Yet I remember the way his nipple would respond when I ran my tongue across the tip of it, sucked it into my mouth, nipping at it with my teeth and finally biting down just a little harder. How he would start panting, forgetting that he didn't need to breathe. God, I don't know why I can't think of something else.Come on Angel. Self control. Old images force their way in. The way he would grip my hair and gently steer me in the direction of his other nipple, not liking that it was being totally ignored. I've never known anyone else who had nipples as sensitive as Spike's.
I remember the way my hand would continue down over his rippling abs; my mouth continuing the attention to his nipples. My hand would go further, delving into his navel, first circling it with my finger, then thrusting it in and out. His stomach would spasm whenever I did that. I loved to see him squirm for me, so I would tickle him whenever I got the chance. He was smooth and hard at the same time. Watching his face as my fingers played lightly over his body was a treat. His shockingly blue eyes would widen, following my fingers' progress. My boy loved to watch and I wanted him to see everything I was doing. I could feel my mouth watering at the thought of placing lips to skin. It felt holy somehow, almost like taking vows, and we know how I love the church. Noticing the slight smile that appeared on my face, Spike reached down cupping my chin; his thumb brushing my lips reverently. My smile widened and his grip tightened. He pulled me towards him sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. It felt so good. I desperately wished I needed to breathe just so I could stop when he kissed me. My hands moved up to lace behind his neck, pulling him closer. He responded by placing his hands on each side of my face, kissing a wet trail up my nose, stopping at my brow. My boy once said that he loved my brow. He said it was flat, wide and covered my eyes just enough to give the cruelty sadness. He was kissing my eyes now; cool lips laying small pecks against my closed lids. My mouth pressed against the smooth skin of his neck; my hands roaming along his spine, up and down with just the tips of my fingers. God, what a wonderful, sensual creature he was.still is in fact.
I roll my head back and to the side. I swear I can actually feel his lips pressed against my neck, gently licking, pausing where the pulse point of my jugular would be, if I still had a pulse. Licking, nibbling.biting down with blunt teeth. Oh God, I can't believe I've let this go so far. I just can't get thoughts of Spike out of my head. If I didn't know better, I would believe that he is here, with me in my office; straddling me, grinding down on me, running his hands down my chest until he arrives at his destination. The hands, how can I forget what he can do with his hands? Spike's hands - soft, uncalloused, but hard and powerful when warranted. Then gentle, barely touching, just enough to let me know they are there. I push up a little bit, wanting more, needing to feel more, but he pulls his hands away. I settle down and he returns to his ministrations; playing his fingers up and down the sides of my hardening shaft. He grips harder, forms a ring around my cock and starts stroking in a rhythm.almost like a dance. Fast and slow, changing tempos, intuitively knowing what I need.what I desire. He moves his hands lower and starts massaging my balls and feathering his fingers back further.
I feel myself moving back in the chair, rising just a bit to allow him access to remove my clothes and reach my ass. But that's not what he's thinking of doing just yet. He wants to watch me first. The thought of Spike watching patiently on his knees in front of me is so delicious! My hand is in constant motion on my cock, first slow then fast then back to slow again. I picture his mouth hovering over my red and swollen tip waiting for his chance to taste me. I grab him by the back of his head and rub my glistening knob against his lips. His lips look pretty and moist, and oh, so inviting! When he goes to open his mouth and take me in, I pull my cock back, waving it in front of his face - not yet, no cock for you yet. He looks at me and curls his wet lips in that way of his, sitting back to wait. I lift my hips off the chair, sliding off my pants and underwear. I kick my shoes off and strip off my sweater. Now I'm ready to show him what I can do. I spread my legs wide so he can see the curve of my cheeks. He licks my pre-cum off his lips at the sight. I place first my left, then my right foot against the desk, so Spike has a better view of my balls and ass. He immediately puts his face to my ass and sniffs me. I push my ass down further on the edge of the chair; my knees pressed against my chest. He brushes his nose against the underside of my balls. He pulls back and stares. He must enjoy the view because he lets out a soft, quivering moan. I watch him reach up to my mouth, sliding a finger inside. I suck for all I'm worth, adding a little teeth almost as an afterthought. Quirking his scarred eyebrow, he pulls out his finger, glistening with saliva and a fat dollop of blood on the tip, and quickly jams the digit into my waiting opening. No slow and gentle for my boy. He knows I wouldn't have it any other way. I immediately clench and tense, but Spike just holds his finger there, embedded up to the last knuckle, waiting for me to get used to it. Soon, I'm relaxing.
Suddenly, my imaginings falter. Sadly, I remember wondering about permitting this, but I never dared. Vampire protocol! So many missed opportunities!
I close my eyes and again enter my solitary fantasy. I feel Spike moving his finger around, side-to-side, then in a circular motion. I feel him start to pull it out and I'm following him with my ass, not wanting him to go. Then, just when he's about to pull out fully, I feel him push in again, with two fingers this time. Oh, how it fills me!
What was I waiting for? Why haven't we done this before? This is the pleasure that I gave Spike! I grip my cock tighter, fisting it up and down a little faster. I force myself to slow down, not wanting this to end, desperately wishing Spike was really here. Knowing it can never be. Too much happened in the past to ever be this close again. These memories and thoughts are all I have now.
I reach down and take his other hand and place it on my heavy sack, wanting more, needing more. He begins to move his fingers inside me again.back and forth.in and out. He twists them around, circling, doing deeper, and stretching me. I feel his fingers brush up against my prostate and a shock of pure pleasure jolts through my entire body. Again, please do that again! No! Don't withdraw! Thank God, he's not pulling out all the way. He adds another finger and I feel like I'm going to burst. This wonderful fullness! Spike brushes his fingers against that spot again and I almost come out of the chair!
He's there, on his knees bending closer. I can feel his breath on my balls, moving lower toward my ass. All too soon, his fingers are gone. I feel so empty, so empty inside! I want to feel full. I want to feel alive. I feel something wet sweep across my balls, moving toward my pucker. His tongue slips inside so easily. I start stroking my cock harder and faster. I want to put my hands to the back of his head and pull him closer. I want him so far inside that he'll never leave. God, he's moving his tongue deeper!
I don't think I can hold out much longer, I need to cum. It's been so long since I've felt this good. I never allowed myself to let go like this, not even when I'm lying in my bed at night trying to relieve built-up frustrations, not even then. Those late night releases are more like a chore. This is a privilege. I want to imagine Spike inside of me. There I've thought it! I want to feel Spike riding me, filling me, taking all I can give him and demanding more. What is happening to me? I let out a breath tinged with emotions and jump back into the fantasy.
He's fucking me with his tongue. It's as if he can read my thoughts of wanting something more of his inside of me. I haven't seen Spike naked in over a hundred years but from what I allow myself to remember he's thick and long. My mouth waters for the second time tonight and something breaks inside of me. In one smooth motion, I pull my legs down, stand and lay across my desk with my ass turned up waiting. I don't have the nerve to speak my need even in a fantasy, but he gets the point just fine.
Smirking he rises from the floor, stands behind me, unzips his jeans and waits. The silence is killing me, so I turn and look over my shoulder only to see him intently watching my ass while stroking himself off. The sight of Spike touching himself while watching me frustrates and excites me. I actually let out a whimper! At this point I don't care what he or anyone else thinks. I want to finish my fantasy with Spike buried balls deep in my ass. To further things along I bring one knee up on the desk so he'll have better access to my entrance. He takes two fingers and presses it against my now spread pucker, all the while stroking his cock and I whimper again. I can't reach my own cock because it's pressed against the desk, so I rub into the hard surface enjoying the friction. Instead of replacing his fingers with his cock as I want him to, he grabs me by the shoulders and flips me over onto my back. Oh my god! He's rubbing the head of his cock against my entrance. Now I'm panting! I clench up and let out a hiss of pleasure arching up off the desk. He presses down on my chest holding me still and deftly guides his cock inside of me, both of us letting out a surprised gasp of pleasure.
In that moment I feel as if I've rediscovered someone I never knew I lost - me. I had come home and found Spike of all people waiting for me. He grabs my legs placing them over his shoulders and begins to work his entire shaft into my tight ass. I watch his face as he rides over me, eyes closed, head thrown back. His neck is corded and his hands are pressing into the backs of my thighs. I can feel his thumb pressing into my flesh. It hurts and I know I'll bruise, but I don't care.
He feels me looking at him and opens his eyes staring directly at me. His face is so naked and open to me, I can see everything he's feeling. I take notice of his mouth slightly hanging open, his tongue slowly running back and forth across his lips but as always it's his eyes, those penetrating blue eyes that now have tears in them! And just like that, I know that he's had his moment as well. A moment to rediscover what it was like when the two of us were together. A moment to regret all the time we lost hating one another. As if in a dream, I watch my hand rise up and wipe away his tears. That small intimate touch ignites us. We each reach for the other's neck, wanting to be closer than close. I snag his mouth in a raw and passionate kiss, I need him just as much as I want him. Spike pants into the kiss as his strokes increase. He's putting every single inch inside of me! I can feel his wiry hairs rubbing against the underside of my tightening balls. My forgotten cock is dripping pre-cum over my stomach and down the shaft. I finally let go of his lips, letting my head hang back in complete surrender.
Surrender . . . why have I not done that before? Why did I always think I had to be the dominating one, the one always in control? Even as Angelus, there were times when I wanted to give in to my boy...my sweet, pain in the ass, often annoying boy. If I had only known it would feel like this, I would have done it surely. I can't believe the swell of emotions riding over me as I watch Spike pummel into me. I just want to close my eyes and drift away on the wave of these feelings and emotions, yet I don't want to take my eyes from him. I want to watch him. Watch those ever-expressive eyes as he comes to fulfillment, and I want him to see me, to watch me. I want him to press his mouth against my neck and bury his fangs into my veins, drinking me; filling himself up on me.
My fist is pounding my cock harder. My other hand travels up my chest to my nipples as I squeeze and pull on them. I imagine its Spike mouth and teeth on them, licking and nibbling them. I want him to drop his fangs and bite hard into them. My chest bows forward at the thought of Spike biting into my nipples, suckling on them like a baby does to its mother's breast. It's been so long since Spike has fed from me. There is nothing quite like it, feeling him suckling and drawing my life force into his mouth and consuming me, becoming a part of me and I him. The sharing of blood, nothing is closer than that. I feel so close to coming now, but I don't want to. I want my fantasy to continue, so I grip my hand around the base of my cock to stop it. I just want a bit more time in my fantasy. I don't want to go back to real life; a life without Spike. I'd rather stay here in my fantasy for eternity - where I'm alive and not so alone.
I tell Spike to fuck me harder, give me everything that is in him. I want him so deep inside me that there is no way he's coming out. He takes my legs off his shoulders and spreads them wide just so he can get as deep as I want him to, as I need him to. To help him, I grab my legs and hold them apart so he can come down to me, close to me. He looks straight into my eyes while his hand moves to my cock and starts moving it back and forth to the rhythm in which he is fucking me. I let go of my legs and match his rhythm thrust for thrust. I'm so close, but I want us to come together. I want us both to come with our fangs buried in each other's neck. I try to tell him what I want, but I just can't find the words. But as I look at him, I see that he knows. I see that he wants the same thing. So I raise my arm to grab him around his neck, pulling him down to me. As he gets closer, I turn my head slightly to expose that sweet part of my neck. I feel my fangs start to descend, and I see that Spike's are descending also. He's so close, he's almost within reach. He's almost home...how am I every going to let him go? I can't allow myself to worry about that now because I have to come. I can't deny myself any longer. I've done enough of that recently.
I offer my neck to him and he moves in to taste me. I can feel his breath puffing out against the side of my neck. Each breath is accompanied by a long, slow lick. I can't stand the anticipation, my eyes are jammed shut. Then it happens. I feel his fangs pressing against my aching flesh, sliding into my neck. He doesn't just bite me he possesses me, invading my senses. I feel like everything is happening in slow motion. It takes forever for his mouth to connect with my neck and when he does, I let out an intense cry that lifts me off the desk, my head thrashing from side-to-side in excitement. He smiles into the bite, each taste of my blood matched by the long, deep rhythm of his strokes. My arm is crushing him against me. My other hand is clutching his ass cheeks as he strokes into me. Our bodies are slick with sweat, I feel my skin drinking in everything about him. Give it to me harder Spike. Don't stop! Don't ever hold back. Give me your frustrations, your desire, your lust, and maybe even your love. Definitely give me your pain but don't ever hold back. Give all that to me and I'll do the same, I swear. Reading the intense emotions in my eyes, he tilts his head to the side offering me his essence. I haven't drank from anyone since Buffy, and the urge is still strong and very near the surface. I'm less reluctant to feed from Spike. I know that I can't hurt him, the same way I did her, so I slip into game face and slice into his neck. His blood roars in my ears and all sound but me feeding is drowned out. I suck long and hard, letting my mouth fill with his blood. When I finally pull away, my head falls back and I swallow greedily. A small trickle manages to escape my mouth and Spike swoops in to lick it off. He's also now in game face, and we look at one another with matching feral grins, wolves in sheep's clothing. I go back for another taste of my boy's sweet nectar but this time I share. We kiss through our unlives, our shared history, remembering truths that can never be forgotten in blood. I bring my bloody mouth to Spike's ear, whispering all I remember of him and that I'll never forget.
My eyes flutter open as reality sets back in at the passion of words I'll never say. I feel like I'm resurfacing after being underwater for too long. Disorientated I've managed to turn my chair around, I'm now facing the wall. My hand is still a blur of motion on my engorged erection. I'm breathing and moaning loudly, pre-cum is spilling over my hand, down my balls and into the crack of my ass. This time I won't stop myself from coming. I lift my body out of the chair and start to fuck my fist with short, sharp thrusts. I imagine Spike still impaling me with his cock. He's saying such dirty things to me. How he's going to lick me from head to toe once I come. How he can't wait to bend over and take my cock in his ass. Honestly that's what does it, the thought of fucking Spike again after so many years elicits a piercing cry of pleasure from me as cum shoots high into the air landing in my hair, on my hand, the floor, the wall! I suck in ragged breaths of air. My body is shaking and cum is still spurting out. My toes are curled in my boots and my legs are stretched out stiffly in front of me and still I'm coming. Finally I'm empty and my hand drops away useless at my side.
I'm spent, the thought of that ever being true causes me to laugh out loud. I start to clean up, pulling on my boxers and pants, running a hand through my sticky hair. Sadly all of this is going to waste but that's my life these days, no one to share it with. There must be someone who needs to be saved. I can work off this energy by doing good. What else is open to me, brooding? Another time, I don't even feel like doing that. I could go after Spike and tell him not to return to Sunnydale. Ask him to stay with me. Beg him not to leave me alone. Confess that I only have him when I close my eyes, and remember.
The force of my emotions and the thought of actually going after him are too much for me and I sit down heavily in the chair. Just as quickly as the thought occurs, I wrestle it back down in the dark where it belongs. Thoughts like those will get you nothing but trouble, let it go Angel. You and Spike are enemies now. The past is the past. Move on.
I rub my hands over my face and let out a sigh that clings to the air like mist over a lake. I feel like I'm lost and I can't find my way. I wearily start to turn my chair around to stand and 'help the helpless' when I realize that I'm not alone in the office. I close my eyes uttering long forgotten prayers. Oh please, don't let this be happening to me. Please. But it is happening.
Spike is leaning on the doorframe smirking at me! Tilting his head suggestively, quirking that scarred eyebrow for further effect he softly asks, "So Luv, you done thinking about me, yet?"
The End